Right then. Because I've never had an original idea in my life, I'm going to rip off Andy Pressman and Dakota Smith and present to you The Interview That Defines My Life, administered at 3 AM on a Wednesday morning by Ross Binder. The difference between this and the ones that I am ripping off is that theirs were pithy and amusing. This, umm, isn't. Just think of it as a really, really bad cover song.

RWB7210: 1. Who are you?

RWB7210: Y'know, name, age, birthday, all that crap.

logovisual: I am Chris Conroy, college student, New York University. Nineteen years old. I am responsible for this atrocity.

logovisual: (You'll note that I feel a need to perform for these questions)

RWB7210: 2. Are you from anywhere cool?

logovisual: I'm from Southwest Florida, which everybody thinks is really cool until they go there and see that it is wall-to-wall octogenarians. My high school was cool, though. And now I live in the coolest place on Earth.

RWB7210: 3. Yeah, yeah, no one likes a braggart, Conroy.* And, no, this isn't a question. But whatever.

logovisual: ...did that even make sense?

logovisual: I hate you, Ross.

RWB7210: 4. Just why are you so obsessed with U2, anyway?

logovisual: Because I want to be Bono. A lot. It would be nice to have lots of money and an entertaining accent. Also, "Discotheque" took over my brain in January of 1997 and it hasn't stopped since.

RWB7210: 5. Do you have any notable talents?

logovisual: Ummm. I can shave my own head, and I can retrieve things from high shelves because I am tall. People tell me that I write well, but I don't believe them because (a.) I am insanely self-deprecating and (b.) I have read my weblog archives and they probably haven't.

RWB7210: 6. Shave your own head and retrieve things from high shelves... that's kind of boring. Are you sure you can't do anything *cool*, like contort your body into weird positions or swallow fire?

logovisual: Speaking of contorting your body, your mom and I last night...

RWB7210: 7. Hey now... This is about YOU; leave my mom outta this... Anyway, moving on... um. Have you ever done anything really stupid? That you'd be willing to share to your audience of (snicker) millions?

logovisual: Well, I stole $20 from my friend Trevor when we were 10. I bought a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles toy with it. It plagues me to this day. But the toy was really cool, I used to play with it in the bathtub. It shot missiles. So maybe that wasn't stupid after all. And I don't think Trevor is reading. So please don't tell him.

RWB7210: 8. Jesus, Chris, you're evil. I'm glad I kept one on my wallet at all times when I was with you in NYC... Anyway, since I know that you're secretly (or not-so-secretly) a churning ball of cynicism and hate, what do you hate?

logovisual: Well, now I hate you. And I hate myself for thinking this interview thing was a good idea. Otherwise, I don't hate that many things. On the whole I have a Zen-mystic-like peace with the universe. I do hate things occasionally, but that's pretty transitory. However, the all-time favorite answer of "stupid people" does still spring to mind.

RWB7210: 9. You don't hate me. But, fair enough, what do you love?

logovisual: Cities, sunlight, rain, fuck I'm a hippie. But lots of things. Really good music / books / comics. My friends (AWWWWWWWW) and all those kinds of things. In general I'm pretty happy to be alive. I also appear to love the Internet far too much.

RWB7210: 10. What's your astrological sign and has it made you the person you are today?

logovisual: I don't know. I'm an Aries. When I first mentioned that to my astrologically-inclined friend Tina, she thought for a second and then laughed a lot, and never explained what it meant, so I'm just confused.

RWB7210: 11. You know, even after all that, I still don't feel like I know enough about you to know just who you are. And there's clearly only one way to determine your essential Chris-ness. If you were a condiment, what condiment would you be?

logovisual: Fuck you. I hate all condiments. (I really do, I order everything plain, and so the Burger King people laugh at me.) But I guess pepper. I don't know why, but I'm going to say it just so we can end this thing. Foo!

RWB7210: And this has gotten rather stupid, eh? Bet you're wishing one of your other friends was online at 3 AM to do this with...

logovisual: But I have no other friends :::chokes on his own tears:::

Ahem. The management apologizes.