As I get older, the weather seems to matter more to my daily disposition. I feel a certain levity today, the first day of fall. The wind is back, and the trees are shaking, and I'm wearing a jacket, and it is cool, all the way down in the 60s, and fall is finally back. Its return has created such a mix of emotions in me, I can't explain. Everything happens in the fall--promises, and heartbreak, and new ideas, and naps, and Halloween, and drama league mainstage productions, and Thanksgiving, and Miami. Twenty one years worth of falls. And this might be my last one in this state. Comence uber-weirdness.

Of this I am convinced--my computer at home is a timebomb. It will go off at some time, unexpectedly, obliterating me and Brett. You know, now that I think of it, can one write that sort of thing on the internet anymore, or will the US government get really mad at me? The point is, my computer is steadily self-destructing, core meltdown and all that. Therefore, my posting has been reduced to when I am at the computer lab (which is increasing due to the non-functionality of my machine at home). So if my updates seem lethargic to you, it is because of this reason.

Latin continues to be a sore in my side, and I spend most of my time watching cartoons. Specifically X-Men Evolution. I know I know it isn't the world's best cartoon. But man, I can't get enough of the X-Men. I love going to Borders and reading trade paperbacks of X-Men comics FOR FREE! I've read all of the Grant Morrison issues I could get my hands on (everything but Weapon Plus) and I tore through the Essential X-Men collections this summer. Maybe one day I'll write a comic or two. I thought--extensively--of blogging some critiques of comics, but I shan't bore you, asince you, gentle reader, probably haven't touched a comic since the gentle age of twelve (the exception being Chris).

Other than that, there are other things on the horizon, but they are too vague, too out of focus, to report now. Nobody knows what shape they will take, so I shall keep my mouth shut until I am absolutely positive about the facts. For that is what this little journal is all about, the facts. NOTHING BUT. And with that, I am finished for to-day.

Because I've been avoiding an update and because it has to be mentioned: national talk like a pirate day! Go to www.talklikeapirate.com and join in on the fun. I've had a life long love of pirates, going so far as to write stories in high school where all my friends were pirates and fought to the death over some nice booty. So get with the program, and if you don't already love pirates, start doing it now! Arrrr, walk the plank you scurvy salty dog!

I am at a "party" of sorts at Jed, Kelli, Shayna, and Diana's. Richard has come into town with some friends to see the game tomorrow. The festivities tonight include drinking and Halo on Kelli's X-Box. Jed is miffed because he is in Michigan at a cousin's wedding. Overall though, it is fairly boring. There are too many people to be able to play Halo for a long time--it is proper etiquette to give up your controller every round. And watching Halo (not playing) is about as fun as watching grass grow. And the alcohol doesn't hold any charm for me.

So I figured I'd post on my blog. How cool am I?

I have been avoiding my homework lately. Avoiding isn't a good word--neglecting then. I just can't get into the groove with school. Angie says she is having the same trouble--she hasn't been motivated to perform for months. I put so much energy in the film, I'm more interested in taking a break than turning around and investing time into something as petty as schoolwork. Although, most of it is reading, and I really should read more.

On the other hand, I have been reading a lot of comics. I've been considering going to the comic store and purchasing more back issues of X-Men. I know quite a bit about X-Men continuity at this point--I thrist to be a dictionary of X-Men knowledge (a goal with fairly limited application I'm sure). But, that's more money I don't have to spend. I've avoided spending money on comics thus far, and I fear that if I start it will be like opening a pandora's box of sorts.

Speaking of sorts, I'm a bit out of sorts with the music I write. I'm getting really tired of playing all of the songs I've written. But on the other hand, I want to record them before I move on. But on the other hand, my singing is not up to snuff to record them. I'm starting to wonder if it will ever be up to snuff. I've lost quite a bit of faith in my ability to just overcome any obstacle and accomplish my rock and roll dreams. The weird thing is, I have this sneaking suspicion that if I were confident about my voice, that I wouldn't worry about film school and I would just pursue music. So what am I to do? As it is now, I can't cut it in music. But I might be able to cut it in film. But making it in the film industry might mean sacrificing any sort of artistic integrity I lay claim to (read: pretension). I might just end working as some sort of grip boy. But if I go and continue to ram my face against the proverbial wall with music, I might lose it all, any chance at doing anything I like. I feel like I'm second guessing myself all the time. I know that film school is not a one way ticket to director stardom. But it is a way to earn money in an industry I like. Getting to do what I really want requires such a large amount of luck, how can I plan for it? How did I make a one hundred and eighty degree turnaround? A year ago, I would have stated very confidently that if I didn't risk it all, my chances would go below zero. This argument has no solution, and it consumes all of my time. I'm closing it for now.

I'm seeing Mogwai tomorrow. Never really heard any of their stuff (I know I know) but my teacher recommended it to me. I really like my teacher so I got a ticket. Hope it goes well.

I'm glad people are still reading this blog. One day, I might even email them. I hope that day is today. But I'm feeling rather sloth-like and depressed of late. I enjoyed Tallahassee during the summer much more. In the fall, everything is crowded and it is all buisness buisness buisness. In the summer, everyone is relaxed. BUT (!!!) the fall wind is picking up. It give me a feeling of security. It makes me feel like a little kid again, like an eight year old. That's a really safe feeling for me. With that sort of resource to rely on, a whole childhood of warmth, love, compassion, and security, how can I go wrong? Things will be alright, I'm sure.

Perhaps I should post on my blog. Perhaps. Although by now I'm sure no one is reading this, which may be a good thing. I've learned recently that the last thing you want is people reading your weblog, and making their own widely inaccurate conjectures about your personal affairs. So--despite losing an audience, the primary function of this little website still functions: I can write, and write about whatever, and it forces me to be coherent just in case someone actually DOES end up reading it. And for anyone who I haven't emailed lately, they can just pop on here and check what is going on. And we all know how slow I am with the email.

I returned triumphantly to Tallahassee on August 26th or so after spending three weeks in Sarasota. I spent twelve weeks here this summer, living with Bobby Z, Arun, Graham, and Elissa in the OAF house. I took three performance classes the first six weeks. Then I switched into a poetry workshop. There I was voted by my peers as the best critic in the workshop (an honor I'm not sure I deserved, but much appreciated). I made a lot of friends this summer, worked with an improv group called oncoming traffic (oncomingtraffic.net I believe) and became a member of the Society of Poetic Elements. My friend Catlan lived with me at the OAF house for three weeks. But the major achievement for this summer was the film I made.

I spent the first eight weeks of summer writing a screenplay entitled Einstein's Brain. With funding from my university scholarships and Catlan's assistance, I made it over a grueling six weeks or so. We filmed here in Tallahassee, and then I spent an additional three weeks in Sarasota filming. The last week I woke up everday at five o'clock in the morning to shoot in dawn light on the beach (which looks spectacular I might add). I also somehow squeezed in going to a Chuck Berry concert in Atlanta with Len and Catlan that week as well. Len plays Victor in the film, the main character. I play Murdock. Right now, I'm guessing the running time is at 43min50sec (a wild stab). Catlan, who did all the camerawork and designed and built the brain and the brain machine, is editing it right now. Anyone who wants to see it should send some sort address (I obviously can't send it through an email account, but if you are uncomfortable with sending me your home address right away, then an email account is a good place to start). But wait! Don't do it yet! The film isn't finished! And if you send me a bunch of addresses now, I'll never remember them all.

But anyway, I've very pleased that I actually filmed an entire movie, and on my own terms too. I didn't compromise with the length, the style, or the content, I wrote the script and directed it, and I paid for all of it. And because of my success (finally) I'm considering applying to graduate film in California (UCLA or USC).

As for an update on my everday existence, I'm living with Brett (www.livejournal.com/users/zip4096), who is now a DJ for FSU"s V89 (!!!!). I'm in a bunch of stupid classes (Latin Literature, Senior Seminar in Literature, Theory and Dynamics of Racism and Oppression, and German Cinema) and have spent most of my time reading comic books. I must say that Alan Davis's run on Excalibur is highly amusing, and I should have read more Excalibur back issues when I was a kid. Other than that, stay tuned folks, and keep your eyes peeled for more updates!