It's Gonna Be... DOOM!
by chris conroy

Very short piece, written as a writing exercise for a group I used to belong to. The prompt: End the world, using only dialogue. Simple enough. But I had to go and make it ridiculous, didn't I...


"So. This is what it all came down to, in the end? All the insipid pop songs, and the matching outfits, and the crazed nights spent tonguing Britney Spears' tonsils while high on psychedelic frog-secretions?"

"Yep."

"All this time, you were here to end the world."

"Uh-huh."

"Using pop music as a weapon."

"Sho 'nuff."

"So there was symbolic meaning to the song 'Bye Bye Bye'?"

"We didn't say THAT."

"Hmm. I must say, it's all quite ingenious."

"Thank you."

"Hitting five simultaneous high notes in order to vibrate the Earth's core momentarily out of phase, thus triggering apocalyptic volcanic eruptions and shattering the planet's crust like a pane of glass. It's... well, it's just fiendishly clever."

"We do aim to please."

"Yeah, well -- Hey! Wait a second! Oh, I get it! I GET IT! You hit those five high notes IN SYN--"

"DON'T SAY IT."

"Hmph. Fine.
"...It is quite clever, though."

-Silence-

"So... how long till the atmosphere surrounding this shard of the planet evaporates into space?"

"Not long."

"Gravity's just about gone."

"That it is."

-Silence-

"I really liked your Christmas album, you know."

"Then you're an idiot."


originally posted April 04 2001

back to top